MY SELF DOUBT

I am at a point of my life on the 2nd of December where I am fighting too many emotions at the same time.

I'm trying to be sane, I am trying to be friends with people, I am trying to build a business, I am trying to get school right, I am trying to get scholarship for my M. SC, I am trying to build network. I am trying to balance my Christain life, I am trying to recover the money I lost.

Now the issue is not even the trying but the fact that I feel like a fraud in all of this. I remember when I got into school this October on scholarship for my PGD, my father had expectations...

The truth is I doubt I am meeting it all .

I am even scared of seeing my results

I have had the thoughts of leaving social media..

I have had the thoughts of locking myself all through in my room.

Mehn I look forward to that day.

I started entrepreneurship at 19.... I am 23 and I feel like I haven't been doing anything.

I am feeling that way because my business didn't make I single sale in 2021.

I am feeling that way because I was on a 55k pay for a better part of my year.

My stay in abeokuta, I met Victoria and guess what I dunno how to keep up with the relationship.

Let's not talk about the back and forth I have had with O. E. O this year. I am at the apoint where I would block his contact so I can move on. I have never felt so ghosted and irrelevant with my emotion like I was all this past 3 years of me showing how how I love him and want him by my side.

Funny enough, I can't force him... I'm not what he wants and there is nothing I can do about it.

This brings me to the fact that I am dead broke. As at the time of typing this, all I have is 1700.God bless my father, he is the one that makes me not give up totally.

I sometimes feel for him. For a lady that left home at 15 to start something for herself, I have nothing to show.

This emotions and self doubt I feel now, I think it's very valid.

But on one end I am very bothered that the kind of people I want to ba attracted to me are not.

Is that I am that poor to poor people are attracted. Or do I look cheap.

Let's not talk about the fact that people say I am good with marketing and I haven't been able to sell the 4 books I wrote this year.

Abi the one that people say I am a fine girl but it's old and ugly men that find me attractive.

Or is it the part of omoh you have a great business idea and I haven't been able to find fund for my business.

Or is it the once that say omoh you are smart but I don't know jack since I got to this Postgraduate program.